Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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