Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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