I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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