you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
