Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
