one might say we're banned from that church
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
