Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
