there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
