Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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