My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
