sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
