Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
