I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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