Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
