the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
