So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
