Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
