it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize