The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
