I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
