she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize