Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
