He uses pillows to masturbate.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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