the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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