I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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