I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
