You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
