What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
