Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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