that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
