No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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