Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize