Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
