Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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