Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
