im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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