My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
