he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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