At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
