he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize