I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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