I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
