32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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