Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
