I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
