Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
