I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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