people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
