just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
