can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
