i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
