Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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