If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
