I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
