If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
