living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
