Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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