The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
its liver damage thursday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
