"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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