guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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