By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
