how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
