mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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