I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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