remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
