Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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