Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
