apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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