Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize