she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
