Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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