I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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