I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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