The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
