oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
