Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
