im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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