....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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