he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
