you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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