Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize