We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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