no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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