The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
