ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
