I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
