I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
