i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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