i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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