new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
