i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was CRYING into my vagina
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
