if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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