4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
