where does the pee come out of this thing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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