You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize