We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Randomize
