My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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