In the future we'll all be gay
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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