you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
