Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
