honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
