i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
