you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
