Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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