then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
